


spare a lighter?

by lulali



Series: New Leaf Farm Collection [1]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Drug Use, Established Relationship, Gen, Introspection, Paranoia, Past Drug Addiction, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Self-Destruction, a different take on seb's heart event
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-28 19:42:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21142157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lulali/pseuds/lulali
Summary: Depression comes in swift and out of nowhere as usual, so what better way to deal with it than to fall back into terrible coping mechanisms? Farm work just isn't helping or working right now, and with the ghost of smoke in her lungs tempting her, Kalani buys a two way ticket to the city she desperately needed to leave for one last fix.Evidently, she wasn't the only one needing a smoke and sees a neighbor who is much too young to be out and about in the night.





	spare a lighter?

"Shit." A hiss broke her out of her haze as she pulled back on the hoe in her calloused hands. The shaft shuttered in response, metal trapped between dirt and gravel. Grinding her teeth and tightening her grip, Kalani did her damnedest in throwing her unfocused strength on yanking out the tool only to fumble back and hear the jarring sound of a crack boom. The momentum continued and the farmer stumbled backwards, her gaze once focused on the ground and was now aimed towards the blinding blue skies. Thankfully she tilled most of the soil so it somewhat softened the blow on her back.

Well. She should've known the day was going to turn to shit when Welwick announced how pissed off the spirits were today. Honestly, astrology and fortune telling were just cheap parlor tricks that people in damp alley ways would advertise when she was back in the city. Maybe it was the corporate life that made her cynical and reluctant to believe in a higher being that made her look down on palm reading and fraternizing with the spirit realm of life. Or maybe because she felt uncomfortable with the idea that life was more fatalistic than she wanted. Regardless, though, she took to turning on the television set and tuning into Welwick's predictions. 

She usually chanced them, not caring much, but when she woke up feeling heavy and unmotivated, she assumed that these so-called spirits were not on her side. Nice. Awesome. Amazing. Her day is shit as is her life. 

A groan escaped chapped lips as she continued mindlessly cloud gazing. 

Come on, Kalani, relax. Stop doing this to yourself; you can ask Clint to make you a sturdier hoe. He's always whining about not having enough business. 

Oh look at that, they had fluffy tails trailing after them like a puff of... A puff of... Anxiously she licked her lips, feeling them dry at the tip of her tongue. A puff of smoke still lingering after a long and satisfying drag. She could feel the ghost of a high haunting her. 

Maybe just one...

Using what was left of her patience and strength, Kalani threw her upper body up and sat with a resolute expression. The chickens that waddle around her screeched in surprise, their feathers effectively ruffled. A pudgy brown feathered one, Coori, was the first to approach while cocking her head side to side. Tentatively, the others followed and surrounded their farmer in a curious mob. The farmer took a deep breath, surprising them once again, and after two seconds of silence, she declared, "I need a smoke."

They soon scuttled off to the recesses of their patch of grass and only the faint rustle of talons and leaves could be heard. Pushing herself off the ground and dusting off her work clothes, the young woman kicked away the ruined tool, mentally listing it as something she needed to get fixed tomorrow morning, and went to close the barn and coop fences. She heard a few more clucks from the tall grass and told them to play nice. A couple of grumbles came from the pigs after they dropped some truffles on the ground and even the goats bleated lowly in response. 

Yeah they all looked fine. A bark from behind grabbed her attention and she turned, seeing the familiar wag of a golden retriever's tail. "Chestnut be a good boy and watch the farm, alright?" The hound barked in response and she scratched his head with appreciation. As always, he darted to the chicken coop's fence and crawled underneath to rally them.

The flock of chickens nearly flew out from their hiding places and pecked at the ground, as though challenging the canine. Laughing to herself, Kalani enjoyed the show for a moment before dragging herself inside for a refreshing shower.

Back in Zuzu City, taking baths was about the only time she had to relax and sometimes found herself falling asleep. But here, in the valley, it felt like such a waste to stand around for more than five minutes. Sure, maybe once a season she'll allow herself the pleasure to use the bath house by the railroad, but never for too long. Whenever she lounged longer than a few minutes, she'd get interrupted and pulled into socializing. 

* * *

During a very rare day when Kalani used it on a whim, she was joined by two of the townspeople. Obviously, this was a lack of foresight on her part and as she tried her damndest to be discreet, she was caught right away. Damn the splash of water and shock of blue hair she dyed. And another damn to Penny's sharp eyesight despite the mist flitting above the hot springs.

"Kalani, is that you?" And that sealed her fate for a relaxing hour. She wasn't going to be a dick. Especially not to one of the townspeople who looked like she could cry at the drop of a hat (and not that she'd admit it but Pam looked like the type to fight tooth and nail with anyone who upset his only daughter) so the farmer mumbled a string of curses beneath the waters and confirmed the question. 

Maru piped up immediately, "Can we join you?" 

After another moment of swears, she complied and watched the two young women wade through the waters. As they all relaxed, leaning against the walls in a restful stupor, Maru, once again, broke the ice:

"You know Sebastian did the weirdest thing today." Goodbye quiet time. "I think he and Sam must've been hanging out down in the basement."

Penny seemed mildly invested in the conversation - Kalani assumed it had to do with a certain blond - and inquired, "What did he do?" 

There was a twist of conflict on the other girl's face as though she inwardly regretted bringing up the subject. "I think they were smoking down there."

Oh. Smoking, huh. Unconsciously, Kalani felt her mouth dry and recalled the bitter taste of smoke tangling around her tongue. It's been a good few months since her last drag and she knew for sure that Pierre sold any packs in his shop. Either because he didn't want Abigail to pick up bad habits or maybe he wasn't interested in exploiting addicts. Normally, Kalani would applaud such well-intention motives, but she was too surprised that someone as money motivated as Pierre wouldn't stoop that low to consider it. 

On the other hand, while she toyed with the idea of having a casual smoke after a hard day of fixing up the farm, she would be damned if she swallowed her pride and walked into Joja Mart. She already threw her resignation papers and middle fingers at it back in Zuzu City and she was not going to re-enter that hellish place in Pelican Town. 

"Oh... I've seen Sebastian smoke from time to time by the river, but I know for certain that Sam doesn't take part in it. He's usually playing with his phone," the redhead defended, cautious. It was as though she felt a duty to defend the blond. "But, what's so weird about that?"

Again, the conflict appeared, but a shrug soon followed. "Well, he came upstairs and went through our trash bin, right? The one in the lab where our broken samples go. I don't think dad minded as much when Sebastian just... grabbed a handful of cogs and gears along with wires but when he went for the entire box? Yeah. Dad wasn't happy about it and asked what was going on."

She sighed, drawing out a breath. Penny drew a sympathetic smile on her face. It wasn't uncommon knowledge to know that there was a less than friendly...atmosphere when Demetrius and Sebastian interacted. If they ever did. It seemed like they made an unspoken agreement in keeping out of each other's way. 

"And, er... Sebastian kind of dodged the question. He just said something along the lines that he needed the stuff for 'stuff' and when dad pushed him, Sebastian kinda blew him off, so to say."

Kalani knew exactly what Maru meant there, but by the looks of Penny's inquisitive stare, it seemed only two out of three people involved were on the same page. The youngest of the three shot the farmer a glance and she yielded.

"Don't..." she drew in a deep breath, already missing the suffocating hypothetical smoke on her tongue. She could use a high right now. "...Don't tell me Sebastian blew smoke in Demetrius's face..."

Penny was appalled. "Oh no!" But at least they were all on the same page. 

Maru sighed once more, deeply and fatigued. "Yeah... Dad got into a fit about it, then mom came in to check what was going on. Sam came up from downstairs and I told him that I'd let Sebastian know that he left because, well, who would want to be in the house when your friend is getting yelled at?"

"That's..." Penny appeared to be struggling with her choice of words. Kalani, however, was struggling in a different way. She lowered herself beneath the water, gurgling out a laugh. These kids were so petty. It reminded her of her high school days when she fought with her parents. Though, she wished she could've been as ballsy as the Gothic kid when she was that age. 

Not a moment later, she composed herself once more and resurfaced to find Maru and Penny switching topics. It had something to do with taking breaks and that's when it shifted from gossiping about inappropriate behavior to lecturing the farmer on her habits of overworking. 

"I'm fine," she assured but was shut down at the accusing glare from Maru. 

"You broke your leg not even two seasons ago!"

Kalani nearly shrunk back. Yeah there was a story there that she didn't want to relive. "But, y'know, broken bones heal stronger so..." At some point in that weak willed argument, something must've snapped inside the other two young women and the farmer was sinking deeper into springs. 

Penny and Maru argued with her that taking a break once in a while always did more help than harm, but Kalani just wasn't built that way. She needed to do something and if it was to relax then it had to take effect within the first five minutes or it's useless. It continued that way even into the locker room and all the way back to town. For a pair of introverts, they sure had a lot of extroverted and invasive energy to get her to sit down and force her to rest. 

* * *

It...wasn't a bad day, but she was still someone who needed her solitude. And what better way to get it then to hop on the bus to Zuzu City and buy a pack of cigarettes? Thankfully no one lived close enough to her farm to reprimand her and if anyone asked why she boarded the shuttle, then she could just brush it off with a 'just felt like it' excuse. Besides, she had a feeling Haley wasn't going to go shopping after four in the afternoon and there wasn't a Gridball game for another few weeks so Alex or Shane wouldn't feel bothered to travel. If anything, the only one she'd run into would be Pam, and the woman would only make light conversation. Nothing deep or invasive, unlike her daughter, and it usually looped back to what food she grew on the farm or if they were going to see each other at the saloon. 

As she weighed the pros and cons in her head, Kalani combed through her hair, styling it in the same side swept mess as always, and threw on one of her few city clothes. A washed out tank with a wrinkled black cardigan and an old pair of jeans faded from years of not shopping for a new pair. She slipped on her spare farm boots and grabbed her wallet. Locking the door behind her, she gave a small wave to Chestnut as he wagged his tail and yelped in response. "Watch the house, okay?"

He was a golden sore thumb among the black and whites of the cows. They herded about, gnawing on grass while the pigs scuffled towards the open barn doors. Looks like they spent enough energy looking for truffles. Kalani felt a little proud at how many they gathered and made a mental note to pick them up after she had her smoke. After double checking the closed fences and ensuring that Chestnut had enough to eat and drink, she departed and headed towards the bus stop. 

Pam must've been bored out of her mind since Kalani could see her blankly gazing at a random page of a newspaper. Or what looked like a newspaper, anyway. Quietly, she went to the ticket machine and paid the fee for a two way ticket to Zuzu City. The machine made a sound and in nearly the same instant, there was the flap of a newspaper being folded and Pam already itching to drive. 

Kalani delivered a soft, if not exasperated smile, but it was disregarded as she was ushered into the shuttle and barely made it on the first seat when Pam hit the gas pedal. Well, so long as she gets there in one piece then this should be fine. If she gets there in one piece. Hopefully. This isn't the hill she wanted to die on.

"Say kid," the older woman piped up. Kalani glanced from the moving scenery to the back of the driver's head. It felt like anyone could get lost in those wild yellow curls. "Something going on in the city? You usually go to the desert and bring me back a nice cactus." Their eyes met for a brief second, but Pam's gaze returned to the road up ahead and Kalani resumed her mindless staring at the change of forests to mountains to the fade of trees. They were getting closer to the city. 

"Just felt like it," she uttered, autopilot activating. 

"Really? I thought you'd be going on a date or something!" she chortled, slapping one hand on the wheel while the other held firm. "It'a not every day I see you outside your work clothes; even at Stardrop you still have mud on your boots. Poor Gus is gonna have a heart attack if he ever sees you dressing like that one day." The boisterous laughter continued and it was emphasized by the lack of other patrons on board. Hm, those smokes were becoming more bothersome by the minute. 

"We wouldn't want that happening," Kalani quipped and wound her cardigan up tightly. It wasn't like her to feel conscious, but, it was true. Her farming clothes were like a second skin and now she felt... uncomfortable without them. "But I just wanted to buy something in the city. Pierre's doesn't have some of the things I needed."

"Eh, what about Joja? Don't tell me Pierre and Caroline's got ya hung up on this turf war business. Listen up kid, ya don't need people telling you where to shop! If ya don't got money for those fancy 'organic' produce then you gotta shop for where ya can afford," Pam ranted, her tone increasing with every sentence. The impassioned speech sounded practiced, or rather, it was possible that the older woman's been thinking about it for a while now. Her daughter must've gotten tired of the mild discourse or maybe she faulted it to a drunken stupor. "They need to mind their own business!"

Kalani breathed out an exasperated laugh, "Yeah... it's gotten a little tense with the turf war going on." She knew how to play this game of vague compliance when one party was too outspoken for their own good. No offense to Pam, but the farmer felt cautious when sharing her opinions. 

Pam slapped the wheel again and howled a few words at the driver who cut her off. Really, the farmer continued to wonder, was Penny really Pam's daughter? She has yet to hear anything colorful come from the redhead's lips, but to be fair, she never spoke to her without Maru being involved. And considering how uptight Demetrius can be and how gentle in approach Robin is, Maru didn't develop a foul enough tongue. Her half brother, on the other hand, Kalani could only guess what happened there.

Probably a shitty father, who knows. It wasn't her place to inquire. 

The rest of the bus ride continued with several honks and near red lights, but they were finally in the city. Pam parked the shuttle in the bus station and eased open the doors. "Let me know if there's any good drinks here, kid. A little something that Gus doesn't serve would be great!" Kalani responded with a wary smile and breathless laugh as she stepped down. Nope. She wasn't going to enable Pam's alcoholic tendencies and be one of the factors of upsetting Penny. Some would be impressed on the long term thinking and consideration, but honestly, the farmer wasn't the type to get intimately involved with familial affairs and this had trouble all over it. Call her selfish, but it's not as though she was willing to invite outsiders to her issues or rely on them to alleviate the problems.

"I'll find something for you," she promised, leaving it a mystery. She'll buy some iced tea in a can or maybe some seltzer water. Something non-alcoholic and maybe stash something for herself for a later date. Pelican Town didn't need three alcoholics shoving through Gus's front door and sprawled over his counter. As soon as her feet hit the sticky pavement, she quickly headed towards the closest convenience store in hopes of minimizing her time in the city. The constant smell of gasoline and street food hit her like a bus, reminding her of her time in Zuzu City and made her frown out of habit. It's only been five minutes since she stepped off the shuttle and she already missed her farm and the fresh air from the mountains. 

Picking up the pace and after making a few turns and dodging clumps of people - who did not know how to make room for others going in the opposite direction, apparently - her eyes finally caught sight of a blinking neon sign: 24/7 Inc. Creative as always. There was a chain of these throughout the city at almost every five blocks or so and in other cities, but Kalani had only been to a handful from business meetings. She shuddered at the glimpse of a memory from what felt like way back when and immediately shuffled into the store. A small bell chimed her arrival and her muscle memory nearly brought her to a crash at the counter until she recalled the idea of gifting Pam a drink. Certainly the woman would be pleased with anything that wasn't seafood (if Kalani remembered properly, anyway) and she hasn't met anyone who hated the idea of a free iced tea. So with a quick turn of her heel, she stormed over towards the wall of drinks, yanked open the door, and grabbed a few cans of energy drinks and lemonade. Her eyes lingered a bit on the canned beer a few doors down, but she decided against it. 

Kalani was already here to feed one bad habit, she had enough self-restraint to abstain from another. With another spin in her step, she headed towards the cashier barely brushing past a few lingering customers and was a little disheartened to see that another customer was ahead of her. She checked the clock hung behind the counter, stuffed between walls of cigarette brands and saw that she spent fifteen more minutes than desired in the city. Well, she wasn't feeling entitled to a quick and easy smoke run, but it would've been nice. Or no, was this city Kalani talking already? She really needed to get out of here quick. 

"Listen, you can ask Mark; I'm of age," the customer in front of her argued and she picked her eyes away from the ticking clock and to the young man in front of her. His mess of a hair and dark attire made her think he was some high school student in over his head and with a quick glance over his shoulder, she saw the man behind the register holding a pack of cigarettes out of reach from the other. Newport, huh. That's pretty expensive for a student, but she guessed he took up a job to feed his vice. Either that or he was saving up his allowance. She was more of a Marlboro person herself when she felt like it, 

"Mark, huh, well he's not here, kid. No I.D. means no pack," the older man retorted, sniveling under his scruffy beard. The way he looked down at the customer made it clear that he wasn't one to be messed with and wasn't in the mood to be dealing with a kid at any time in the day. Kalani could relate. She could only assume how many students tried to get their fix and haggle with convenience store employees until their face ran blue. She wasn't proud to admit it, even mentally, but she was one of those very students. Long story short, her cousin was the closest thing to a dealer she had when in high school and bought her a pack in exchange for keeping their whereabouts secret. 

But that was a memory for a different day and she was starting to become wary of how much the guy in front of her was fighting. 

"I'm over 20 goddammit!" He raised his voice and she clicked her tongue, not surprised to see how it upset the man behind the counter. His face was red and she could feel a screaming match arise. Wait. She took a step closer and peered around the boy's shoulders to see a familiar profile. Oh. Oh shit. She was stupid. How could she not recognize one of the people she sees on a regular basis?

"Sebastian," she uttered and his frame stilled. She heard a soft 'fuck' escape his lips as he turned his head and she could make out a bit of red in his eyes. Ah. Either he didn't sleep or he ran out of his other pack and needed some more to take the edge off. Without waiting for him to say anything, the farmer stepped beside him, giving a slight bump of her shoulder to move him away from the cashier. Setting down her collection of soft drinks, she took out her wallet and held out her I.D. "Can I take his pack, sir?" 

The man stared down at her, grabbed her card, and scanned it with enough force to burn a hole through the plastic. "Alright," he finally conceded and placed the piece of plastic on the counter then grabbed her items and started scanning. The only sounds were the rhythmic beeps of the scanner meeting the bar codes and the static songs playing over the speakers. Kalani didn't give Sebastian a look but she could feel a glare drilling into her from peripherals alone. After he packed everything into a plastic bag, Kalani paid and took both her change and I.D. "Thanks for shopping here, miss." He practically hissed the last part and landed a glare at the young man beside her. "Don't go causing her trouble, kid." 

Kalani quickly responded, not giving Sebastian a chance to spat back, "I hope you have a good day, sir! I'll make sure to talk to him." He hummed and the farmer turned with a stern beckon for her neighbor to follow. Sebastian grumbled loud enough for both her and the cashier to hear, but did as she was told. As soon as she reigned hold over the bag, she grabbed Sebastian's sleeve and yanked him outside with enough force to make him stumble. Was he eating alright? Seriously. The moment the door creaked behind them, she felt the young man jerk back. 

"Thanks, but I didn't need your help." At least he had enough manners to show gratitude. Then he dug into his hoodie's pockets and offered her the exact change of the pack. Hah. "I'd like to buy my stuff back." 

She considered the options: 

  1. She could pretend that this was done out of the goodness of her heart and do the trade. He did pick it out first and she practically stole it from him. 

  1. She could be an adult. 

  1. Nah.

"I've been wanting a smoke for the whole day now, so how about you humor me and we share the pack." It wasn't a question, hell, it wasn't even a suggestion. The amount of finality in her tone and the fact that she could stronghold him with ease meant that there was no room for argument. "Anyway, you need to take into account the tax and the fact that you should save your money for that move you've been planning on doing," she paused, giving him a firm look. "right?"

He clicked his tongue and if she weren't so goddamn tired then she'd have scolded him for the lack of respect. That and she knew she was being just as much of a petty person as he was with his childish retort. Then she sighed. 

"How'd you get here, Sebastian?"

He went quiet, possibly contemplating on whether to tell her the truth or remain as standoffish as usual. She urged him to talk to her, lightly swinging the bag before him just out of reach. "...motorcycle,' he mumbled through clenched teeth. Kalani wasn't amused and retracted the peace offering. His expression twisted and it reminded her of the time Maru was conflicted about recounting the family conflict just days earlier. Despite them being half siblings and raised under different circumstances, there was something similar to their gestures and reactions. Of course, neither child would be able to admit it if they stopped walking on eggshells around the other and finally have a genuine conversation. "I came here on my motorcycle."

Huh. She didn't think anyone but Mayor Lewis and Pam knew how to drive, but she digressed. Sebastian wasn't open about much so she could only assume that he wouldn't share this kind of information with a newcomer like her. The only things she knew about him was that he was Robin's first kid, he hung out with Sam and Abigail, he dabbled in computers (from their own conversation after she'd fulfilled a few requests for him), and there was a lot of family tension between him and Demetrius. She'll have to chalk up: he smokes and drives a motorcycle onto the handful of things she knew of her neighbor. Damn, he really reminded her of how she used to be when she was his age. 

"Perfect. I'm gonna go tell Pam that you're bringing me back to the valley, then." 

"What? I didn't agree to that." His once conflicted expression twisted into one of irritations and she rolled her eyes out of reflex. "Hey!" 

"Alright, yeah, that was uncalled for," she apologized. "Give me a ride and I'll let you have most of the pack. Deal?" 

Again, the conflict arose and it took him a moment to weigh the pros and cons. After what felt like a lifetime to both of them, he slouched his shoulders and the scowl on his lips deepened evermore. It was almost poetic with how reluctant a person can be. "Fine." Swallowing his pride, he drove his hands back into his pockets and hunched forward, annoyed. Man, he really needed a smoke. 

"Thanks. The bus stop is a few minutes from here so come with me, yeah?" 

"What..." 

Kalani reciprocated his scowl and he grumbled further. She led him over to the bus stop, ensuring that he didn't get lost in the increasing night life of the city. Every ten seconds her attention drifted towards the younger man and she felt a twinge of frustration with how easily Sebastian's dark hoodie blended into the darkness of the flickering street lights and shadows of the tall buildings. As she turned a corner and waited for his arrival, Kalani shuffled through the plastic bag practically tied around her wrist. Her hand grasped at the can of lemon iced tea she planned on giving Pam, and her eyes flickered over to never ending crowd of people. A woman held her purse tight to her chest. Another woman was on the phone, practically screaming about some life changing story that happened recently in the store she just left. Two men were chatting quietly to each other, sharing looks only lovers would during the late hours. 

She tilted her head, feeling a little envious of those strangers. Must be nice to be excited to see another person. Part of her yearned for something like that, but who in their right mind would want someone like-- Hey, wait, stop that Kalani. It's the environment stressing you out and your nerves are regressing. Breathe in. Eight seconds. Hold four. Exhale seven. I think. Oh crap. What was the order?

A few more people passed by, getting louder and louder by the second. Teenagers strolled in packs, their school bags still weighing on their shoulders. The smell of fast food wafted past and she noticed the greasy bags of McDonalds pressed in their arms. Fries nearly spilled from the paper and she frowned a bit. When she lived in the city, fast food was practically her bread and butter at times when she was too tired to cook real food. It also didn't help that the only places open at three in the morning were 24 hour convenience stores that sold microwaveable meals or burger joints that threw their weight in high cholesterol like it was no one's business. Maybe it was because she's been living on the farm for the last half year and now her body was used to being healthier. 

It was easier foraging for food or growing her own ingredients as of late that she barely went food shopping. Only when she felt a little lazy did she go to the saloon, but mainly because of Gus's twist on certain recipes. Never did she think spaghetti could taste so divine until she ordered a plate from Stardrop. Although he gave her the recipe, no amount of forest magic could replicate whatever spell the bartender had cast in his cooking.

Then again, it has been a while and a few burgers never hurt anyone... And perhaps a mountain of salty fries and a box full of nuggets and...

"This place can be such a goddamned nightmare." Her thoughts fell apart at the sound of Sebastian's complaint. Searching around the crowd, she finally turned and saw him huddled by the wall behind her. If he were smaller than he could resemble some frightened woodland creature that was spirited away from their cozy home in the forest and tossed into the industrial jungle. "I got stopped at least three times by people trying to sell me tour bus passes? There's not even any historical landmark here. Is it always like this?"

The farmer had to suppress a grin, amused by his sully complaints. "Nope." His blank stare told her he didn't believe her. "We're in the tourist part of the city and with the way you're lagging behind tells people that you're not from around here." Then she held out her arm, offering it to him. "Need to hold onto me so you don't get jumped by more salespeople?" It was a joke, of course, she knew that someone like Sebastian wouldn't take kindly to this quip, but it's been too long of a day in this place and she needed a distraction. Moments earlier she was about to feed another vice and might've found a bar to stay in until she forgot all about Stardew Valley. There was a certain bar nearby that served some top quality burgers and nachos. Damn. Maybe she should've made something to eat before leaving the valley, now her head was a mess of restaurants and other food places she used to frequent during her civil servant days. 

"I'm not a kid," he practically spat back and she retracted her arm immediately, giving a frigid nod. Not a kid. Yeah, of course. Silly her.

"I'm not a kid anymore."

"Then what are you?"

When did she become someone who coddled another person? Sebastian once mentioned how he was working towards independence and here she was, demeaning that aspiration. Feeling a pang of guilt, Kalani delivered a swift apology, surprising her neighbor.

"Yeah, you're not. But you're not used to the city, so of course I'm gonna try to help you out somehow," she reasoned, then rolled her shoulders as she felt the stress kicking in. Not even an hour in Zuzu and she was already returning to the ball of stress and anxiety she once was before her life in Stardew. She hated it. "It can get dangerous here if you don't watch your step or if you talk to the wrong people. I just want to make sure you're okay and that you don't get hurt while I'm here and can do something." She was getting on edge now. Jittery. Too many people. Too much gasoline. She needed something to alleviate the nerves and it was in a small pack just waiting for her to strike a light against it. 

Sebastian gawked, lips pressed into a tight line, but he fell back. "Fine." She didn't know what went on in his head but as long as they could get out of here then she didn't care. She wanted her smoke and fucked up with being a busybody. Sure, she could've taken the bus but a motorcycle was faster and some part of her decided to be impulsive. Or maybe an idiot. Why not, right? She broke one of her farming tools, fell on the ground, gave up for the day, and went to the city because it was a mecca for stupid choices. And damn did Kalani feel the need to be really stupid today. 

So they walked and she shot him a quick look as she called Pam from the bottom of the shuttle's small staircase. "Hey, I got you a drink," Kalani called out, digging through the bag once more and leaned forward with one foot stretched out to meet the topmost step while the other was left supporting the last one. "It's lemonade. Good for a refresher." The sullen frown on Pam's lips and sunken expression wasn't missed by either of the other two, but it was swiftly dismissed. The farmer smiled, however, pretending like it never happened. "I'll buy you a drink next time I go to Stardrop, yeah?" And just like a switch has been flipped, Pam's expression brightened and she snatched the can from Kalani's hand in an instant. 

"Cross your heart on that, kid," the older woman sang and gave her a wink. "I'll be looking forward to it! Now are ya done shopping or was I right when I guessed you had a date?" She tipped the can towards Sebastian, a mischievous glint in her eyes. For someone who was talking about minding their own business earlier, Pam was certainly interested in this coincidence. 

Kalani felt a little playful herself, but decided against it. Sebastian seemed stressed and she really wanted that smoke break. "Nope, sorry. I actually forgot that I promised to show Sebastian the office I used to work at last week, but y'know, farming stuff happened and..." she trailed, not really up to perfecting a believable excuse. Besides, she was sure Pam didn't really care and was only yanking her chain. "Anyway, he said he can take me back to the farm, so you can go ahead."

Pam's brows knitted together, concerned. "You sure? I can take both of ya back, no problem."

"Absolutely."

With a shrug and putting the iced tea into a cup holder, Pam's hand went to the stick. "Alright, kid, but you two better make sure you're driving safe! The city's no place for fooling around on the road, I'll tell ya that." 

"Oh believe me, I get that," Kalani agreed with a laugh and backed out of the bus. It creaked and shivered into drive. The doors mumbled shut and in the next minute, the shuttle got onto the flow of traffic and disappeared into the clouds of smoke from the myriad of exhaust pipes. The two stood in silence before the farmer breathed out and stretched out her arms, the bag crinkling from the newfound position. "Right, so where's that bike of yours? I really need that smoke." 

It took roughly twenty minutes for Sebastian to lead them to his motorcycle. Pedestrians skirted around them as soon as he unlocked the chains and leaned over to hold onto the handle bars. Shifting his weight with practiced movements, he was able to swing his leg over the seat and adjust himself properly. Every motion was set in a fluid routine: weighing down his body onto the seat, shifting his mirrors, and bringing the bike into balance. Kalani had nary an idea of what the process was but figured the textbook example was right in front of her. 

Without a word, Sebastian offered her a helmet and she gawked before shaking her head. He raised a brow, evidently displeased. "Passenger's safety takes priority," he argued, patience running thin. 

"I'd rather you take it." She was built a little stronger than Sebastian, and well, it's not like she could explain the mysticism of 'forest magic giving her a veil of divine protection' to him when she barely understood it herself. Rasmodius needed to give her a handbook of some sort because even she was unsure how explosions barely left a scratch on her when she's practically on top of the bomb itself. "You're too young to be driving dangerously."

And she didn't want Robin on her case about her son not taking his safety into consideration. She wasn't up to the task of getting condemned by a concerned mother tonight. 

"What the hell does that mean?" 

She had to finesse her words better, though, talking was never her strong suit. "I don't know, I'm just kind of tired right now, let's get going."

He gave her another look and she grabbed it, mimicked what her neighbor did moments earlier, and then sat the helmet on top his mop of hair. "What the hell?" Another spat lost in the cry of cars honking and people screeching. 

"I'll hold on tight so drive safely," she ordered and did as she informed. Tying the bag around her wrist so that it wouldn't fly off, she closed in on Sebastian's back and wrapped her arms around his waist. He stilled in her sudden embrace and she peered over his shoulder as best as she could. "Let's go?" 

Another grumble but no complaints followed. He started his bike and eased into traffic, the roar of the engine drowning out the cacophony of the city. The wind whipped against them and blankly, Kalani watched as the concrete buildings and street lights blurred together. Bits and pieces of strangers' livelihoods whirled together in a dissonant orchestra with each voice trying to outdo the next. Loud. Everything was too loud. 

"This is my house so you must do what I say."

Her ears rang, sharp words piercing through her skull. The sound of plates clattering and shattering on tiled floors. A repressed flinch and scream knotted in her throat while blood froze in her veins. Do not move. She was rooted in her spot, unmoving. Her eyes followed, wordless and red, and the drawers opened, revealing a small prescription bottle. 

"You never listen to me. Always living inside your own head. Don't you know how spoiled you are, huh? Wasting my money when you can't make any yourself."

Little teal pills rolled around, colliding against one another, and the note of her name flashed on the label. Just earlier she had one of them in between her teeth, her tongue curled, and water flowing down her throat. It tasted like chalk. Powdery and insubstantial, it dissolved immediately and did what it should be doing. 

"Do you think I don't know what you're doing? Forging my signature to get your goddamn pills when there's nothing wrong with you? Don't you know that you could be arrested?! You keep saying you're an adult but all you do is say it; you never act like it."

Feebly, she watched with reddening eyes and tear streaked cheeks. The cap twisted open, dropping to join the shards of old dinner plates, and the bottle flew upside down into the sink. Every muscle in her body screeched at her to stop this insanity, but her brain willingly permitted it. One moment the faucet groaned open and the next, the garbage disposal cried awake. 

You deserve this. You deserve this. You're just a kid. You can't do anything here. She's right. All you do is talk big. You're not an adult. Not under this roof. You'll never be able to live under this roof. 

"I'm not a kid."

"What are you waiting for? Go to your room right now!"

She ran upstairs and locked the door, shaking, crying, and inevitably passing out. 

* * *

The farmer closed her eyes and squeezed them shut, hating the dizzying echoes of the life she left behind. A drink. She should've gotten a few drinks. Maybe she'll steal a few smokes and drink herself silly. They slowed to a stop and the idle growl of the engine did little to quiet her nerves. "I can't breathe." Her grip loosened and her eyes flew open. Bad habit. 

"Oh, sorry."

She blinked, staring at his back and felt him shift. "Uh... You okay?" The light turned green and she was saved from answering. 

She wasn't.

The drive continued in a similar fashion: her nervous ticks would appear, she witnessed glimpses of old hang out spots, and the neon lights of a Joja Mart glaring at her with glee. Kalani was beginning to think the cigarettes weren't worth it at this point. Though, she did her best to both hold onto Sebastian for obvious reasons, but to keep a comfortable distance. If they were closer friends (or just generally friendly towards one another) then she wouldn't feel guilty about leaning her head against his back. It was starting to hurt and as soon as the high wore off, she was going to dig into her medicine cabinet and take a painkiller before bed. 

Actually, they've been driving longer than she knew necessary. The distance between the city and valley were far, sure, but not far enough to warrant all of the turns and jug handles Sebastian took. Picking up her head, she sent an inquisitive look at the night colored helmet the driver wore. Locks of his raven hair danced erratically from under the headgear and she cracked a slight smile, amused. She moved her arms, feeling the motorcycle speed decrease in the last few minutes, and tugged at his hoodie. 

"My farm is actually south of here," she reminded, raising her voice louder to overcome the engine's roar. He ignored her and continued. Her gaze fell downward to the track of dirt and gravel; he took an unmarked road. Either he knew a different route through the mountains or Kalani was gonna die and she didn't get to have her preferred last meal. And all of this over a pack of cigarettes he could easily get if he waited for that Mark guy to be on shift. Or relocated to a different shop with less of a stickler behind the counter. 

Though, considering that she could survive countless attacks from slimes and swarming bats then she could probably get away with a few cuts and a sprained wrist if she jumped ship now. Harvey and Maru would be wildly upset and have a book full of lectures waiting for her, but at least she'll be alive. Goodness, where was her head going? Sebastian was more annoyed than murderous. She was going crazy. 

"Detour," was all he mumbled in response and after they passed a small huddle of trees (it was nothing compared to Cidersap Forest) he drove towards a cliff. Oh fuck she was going to die. He slowed to a stop just two meters before the edge and she heaved a deep enough exhale that Sebastian stiffened visibly. "The fuck?"

Breathless, Kalani half confessed with clenched fists. "I, uh, heights make me nervous." I had half a mind that you were going to drive off the cliff and kill me specifically. She cleared her throat and loosened her grasp around his waist. "Uh, so, I can walk the rest of the way back..." 

"You still need to give me those cigarettes."

She halted and turned her gaze upward. He was still facing forward, hunched forward with his weight pushed against the handles of his motorcycle.

Kalani retracted her arms and shakily rummaged through the cans of soft drinks in search of the pack. Grasping the case, she gingerly plucked it out and held it over his shoulder. Sebastian audibly released a sigh and muttered,

"I don't normally bring anyone out here." 

"Is that so..." Kalani remarked, feeling like this was the start of a high school love story. She had a feeling he was saving this spot for someone he was intimate with and she assumed that someone would be Abigail or...someone not five or so years old than him. "Well, it's quiet here, not too far from town but far enough so no one can accidentally find you."

They sat in silence, a cool breeze brushing by them and the soft rustle of trees whispered past. She felt him move, but not to reach over for the pack, instead, he was turning his weight and finally pulled out the side stand. Kalani nearly slide off at the sudden drop and immediately latched onto her neighbor's sleeve in response. He gave an airy chuckle and she scowled, letting go and fumbling her way off the seat. He followed suit with far more poise than she could muster and snatched the pack from trembling fingers. 

"You're right about that." He ripped open the carton and slipped out a cigarette. She eyed his movements, noting how casual they were, and likened them to a practiced smoker. Nothing frantic or needy, but still exercised enough that he probably smoked often. "It's simpler out here. Easier to think." After he finished that thought, he placed the joint in between his lips and rummaged through his pockets for his lighter.

Kalani paused her observation and pilfered the pack back. There was no fight as her competitor was far more focused with his current task. Tilting the box, she placed her palm by the opening and shook it until a few fell out of place onto her hand. Old muscle memory kicked into gear, and she grabbed hold of one, tipped the box back so the rest could land back in place, and closed it shut in quick succession. She heard the hiss of fire ignite and smelled the familiar scent of smoke and dread wafting beside her. 

The soft glow of red and orange flared in her peripheral and she licked her dry lips in anticipation. Sebastian blew out a puff of smoke, eyes closed, and she could see his usually rough expression ease. Following suit, she closed her lips around her cigarette and dug through her pockets, anxious. Nothing. Somewhat baffled, she tried her other pockets and was met with her wallet and keys. 

Well. Shit. 

"Can you lend me yours?" 

Sebastian's eyes blinked open and the farmer could only assume that he forgot she was there. He glanced between her unlit cigarette and the one in his hand. Without thinking, his hand moved to offer his until she denied him the chance, 

"No." Although he didn't say anything to vocalize the thought, Kalani didn't mistake the intention. "We're not sharing one just so that you can have the whole pack." Rolling his eyes at her scowl, he handed off his Zippo lighter and she took it graciously. Flicking at it a few times, a small flame finally lit up and she inhaled it as soon as the joint burned in response. The smoke dryly licked at the insides of her throat, revisiting her lungs in glee. Damn. She shouldn't feel this good about a vice but right now, she was in the moment. 

"I never would've thought you'd smoke," Sebastian admitted, another puff leaving his lips and his eyes traveling upward to follow. "You seemed too healthy to do something like this; kinda like Sam." 

A brief image of the blond appeared in her mind as she let the observation cross. Penny stated with near defiance that Sam never smoked. At first she thought the redhead was blinded by infatuation, but with the other's implication, it could only be seen as fact. Though, she didn't think the blond dabbled in such addictions - he seemed to take more pleasure in minor rule breaking (like using private property as a makeshift skate park) as to not disturb his hardworking mother. Honestly, he was such a good kid. 

"Used to be a heavy smoker back in the city," she admitted, disinterested in keeping up a law abiding facade. "I had an ashtray in every room of my apartment at some point." Not that it was a big enough apartment to have that many rooms, but even some people would argue that having one in the bathroom was pushing it. "I threw them away before I moved here, though."

He gave a low whistle, the type that occurred when someone was either impressed or baffled enough that it could be seen negatively. She laughed, holding the cigarette in between two fingers and away from her as she sank her head. "Didn't smoke your lungs away, at least."

The laughter continued and her shoulders shuddered. Ashes from the joint sprinkled around and she took another drag after a moment of shallow breathing. Sometimes, when she lazed about beneath her covers during a rare day off, she wished she smoked away her entire life. 

"So what made you stop," he paused, "until now, I mean."

She shrugged. What was she going to say? Suddenly years of depression and bad habits caught up to her after she messed up and broke a tool and her immediate response to it was to irrationally hop on the bus and fulfill an old vice and that's how they wound up delving into past addictions and her poor living conditions back in Zuzu? Oh yeah and the spirits were pissed off today so that's also a factor. 

"It just... comes and goes."

Sebastian didn't seem pleased with that answer. "That's vague."

They shared another moment of silence, both averting their gaze from the other and taking a much needed drag to fill the void. It was almost comforting, but it was in the same instance of standing around the water cooler with a coworker and both yearning for the second their shift was done. The same kind of comfort where you and another person - be it a stranger or someone you knew existed in the same space as you - failing together. An unspoken camaraderie of sorts.

The "sure, you two were miserable but at least you weren't alone" kind of companionship. But this wasn't a healthy one. 

"Hey, Sebastian, who taught you how to smoke?" Kalani piped up after her faulty conclusion. "Robin doesn't seem the type and I can't imagine Demetrius doing this either." The carpenter got more of a high from talking about trees than dealing with cannabis. Meanwhile, the scientist probably abstained from such vices so that his precious daughter wouldn't be tempted to indulge in bad habits. Knowing how Maru is, her worst habit was probably her hyperfixation on the sciences and desire to take care of her parents. But Kalani digressed.

Sebastian took a moment and dropped his cigarette, crushing it beneath his heel. "An old classmate from back in the city stole some from his big sister and wanted to try it with some of us after school. He showed us how his sister and her friends did it, and then when we moved here when I was older, I snuck out and bought a pack myself to practice." 

Wow, she didn't expect him to share that much of his life with her. Though, it could be because of insignificant it must feel to him. She was close to finishing hers but desperately clung on, not wanting to feed the hunger further. Her hand started shaking but she ignored it, hoping that it would go away, "Do you miss living in the city?" She recalled both him and Robin mentioning their former lives before Pelican Town. No one would think twice about wanting to live in a quiet and slow paced valley in order to raise kids, but she had to wonder if they had any attachments to the hustle and bustle of the city. 

He went quiet and started digging the toe of his shoe into the dirt. Then he lifted his chin up and pointed straight ahead. "Can you see Zuzu City from here?" She followed his pointer finger and her gaze lingered upon the tall buildings and blurred out lights of where they once were. Honestly, the farmer never once thought of Zuzu being beautiful. She hated the place so much that it morphed her very perception of the world to being something more cynical than tolerable. But after taking a moment, the smoke clearing away from the picturesque view of the urban landscape... She had to admit that Zuzu City could be gorgeous. "What do you think?"

She gnawed on the inquiry. He definitely dodged her question and took over, but she let it go. Nothing was urgent and she just needed someone to talk more than her thoughts did. She could simply respond that it was pretty to look at but that felt shallow, hollow even, and criticized the option. "It's nice...but I feel lonely looking at it." Yeah. Lonely. Every room in her room was empty save for scarce sentimental objects and worn pictures and dirty ashtrays. The only semblance of life came from unwashed laundry, cartons of smokes, and take out on the floorboards. Not once did she entertain the thought of inviting company as no one came to mind in that lifeless place. Instead, she dreamt of it being desolate and dilapidated and no sign of her existence. 

She laughed at her answer, amused by her childishness. Sebastian wasn't the child here; she was. 

"Damn... I'm sorry about that," another lifeless laugh left her. The taste of smoke stale on her tongue. "That sounded depressing, I guess."

"Well, it wasn't something I expected," he remarked and leaned back against his bike. "Before, whenever I needed space to think of life and what I wanted, I'd come here and look at the city. In my head, I planned on moving to Zuzu until I made enough money through freelance work on forums, but I started thinking that it might not be enough anymore."

He breathed in and then out, deep and spaced, his shoulders stiff. Kalani focused on him, intent on hearing him out. He was being vulnerable before her and she wasn't going to condemn him for this time of openness. 

"I know I'm way in over my head - it hit me like a truck when we got separated in the city and I almost got into a fight with those salespeople." She stifled a chuckle at the thought of someone as scrawny as Sebastian trying to throw down with some strangers in uniform trying to sell tickets. They were probably as exasperated as he was but had an easier time acting enthusiastic. "It made me realize that I might not be ready for the world outside of the valley and it sucks." He kicked the pile of dirt he subconsciously made while he was ranting. "I hardly feel like I'm at home here, but even there, I felt like an outsider." 

Then he shook his head.

"So, no, I don't miss the city. But I'm not exactly thrilled to be here either." 

Kalani abandoned the shrinking cigarette, noting that it was hardly anything at this point in the conversation, and squashed it beneath her boot. The iridium purple had a slight glow from the waning joint and left ashes in its wake. 

"How's that for depressing?" he cracked, a slight smirk on heavy lips. She feigned a smile and stretched her arms upwards. They needed a change of tone soon or else the newly bought pack of Newport was going to empty quickly. 

"Want a drink?"

He shook his head. "I don't--"

She reached back to the seat of the motorcycle and pulled out two cans of soda. "Don't like it carbonated?" she mused and he deadpanned a look in response. There was some hesitation and she assumed he thought it would be one of those dreaded Joja energy drinks. But when it was a generic brand that could be found in any convenience store, he happily accepted and popped it open. They drank, quenching their formerly dried throats and Kalani sunk down to the ground, her knees feeling weak. Unceremoniously, Sebastian joined her. 

"So, out of all the places you could have moved to, why did you choose Pelican Town?" She took a swig of her soda and considered his rephrased question. Kalani was certain that he said something similar to her when they first met, but it was more demeaning and harsh. Now, it was a curiosity and one she could easily satisfy. 

"My grandpa used to own this farm before I came around to inherit it," she began, choosing her words delicately. Again, words weren't her best subject and she had a hard enough time conveying what she wanted when on the spot. It was harder when it forced her to evaluate her choices and provide answers that she needed excessive time to prepare. "He wrote me a letter, explaining that he experienced the city life but got tired of it, and built the farm up to escape it. I visited the town when I was younger, and I think I liked it here enough for him to decide me as his successor." She felt her tongue run dry and took another sip. This was the most she spoke in the last few days of isolation on her farm. 

It was unnerving, exhausting, but also liberating. 

"I didn't choose Pelican Town on a whim or if I felt like destiny took me here," she mused, tone soft. "I did it because my grandpa gifted it to me and he was someone who always treated me nicely." She brought her knees to her chest and leaned over them, chin resting on an arm sprawled atop her legs. "I never felt at home in the city, and to be honest, I still don't know if I consider Pelican Town my home just yet. But I can tell you that my grandpa made the farm feel like home every time I visited, so that's the closest thing I have to being a place I can belong in." 

Kalani went quiet, warmth bubbling in her chest. It was kind of embarrassing to work her way around such abstract feelings, but it was too late, and if Sebastian didn't care about it then he could've left any time. But he didn't. 

"The closest thing I have is here," he softly admitted and she turned her head to study him. If it weren't for the lights coming from the city, she would've never seen such vulnerability on the young man's face. "But I know for sure I can't make a home out of the edge of a cliff. I may live in the mountains, but I'm nothing like the tent guy who lives in the back."

"His name is Linus," she immediately interrupted, tossing him a frustrated look. He lifted a hand, a sign of not wanting to offend. "And he'd be happy to teach you how to live in the wild. Though, he'd probably recommend getting rid of the dark clothes."

"Ah. Ha." He dryly retorted and reached over for the pack and lighter, hand waiting for his property. Wordlessly, she returned them and turned her attention back to the insomniac city miles away from them. Lights blinked every so often but not enough to reduce the glare. Maybe it was the exhaustion catching up to her, or maybe it was because they shared their insecurities, but the once tolerable silence became...comforting. It wasn't mandatory like classmates playing nice in front of a teacher or coworkers pretending to get along in front of their boss. Dare she chance it, but it felt like she made a friend she could confide in. 

"Isn't it getting late for you?" But leave it to her to be fearful of such an attachment. There was no peace in her mind that they could become such people who shared their vulnerabilities, not when she stubbornly let paranoia consume her and think he was a serial killer just an hour earlier. Really, what was she thinking? Her anxiety needed to take a vacation or something because it got really out of hand tonight. 

"What about you, farmer, don't you need to be up early to feed your chickens?" 

"Robin installed an auto feeder in the upgraded coop and I..." she trailed and let her knees fall, twisting her torso to face him and expose his amusement. "...am not playing games here. She'll be worried if you're out too long."

"Is it because I'm a child?" She scowled, but felt a pang of guilt at her behavior earlier. "If that's the case then I can tell her how you bought cigarettes and gave them to me. Like a reasonable adult."

"Sebastian," she breathed, taken aback, "what the fuck."

He cracked a smile, or something close to it, and chuckled. "Relax. Mom wouldn't believe me anyway and Demetrius doesn't care as long as I don't bother Maru." He started messing with his hair, twisting the asymmetric strands. 

Part of her wanted to argue with that logic but she kept quiet. It wasn't her place and besides, she knew of the tempestuous relationship of step father and son. She also experienced the man's excessive nepotism of his biological daughter over his foster son... There was a whole lot of that to unpack and the farmer was certainly not going to be the one to go through that complication. But she wasn't heartless. 

While their circumstances were different, Kalani sympathized with the fact that even a person's house could be uninviting. When she was back in the city, still living with her family, she tried looking for a place of solace when life got too much. She wasn't allowed to get a job until she finished high school so buying a bus ticket to grandpa's farm every time depression hit would impact her allowance quite heavily. Fast food restaurants were also expensive and ensured no one spent more than thirty minutes in case of loitering. And even if she spent time in the library or a diner, neither gave her the kind of comfort and reflection she desired. 

She wondered if someone safe and close by gave her refuge from the suffocation of everyday life, would she have turned out better? Would she have gone through the panic of finding her next high or sacrificing her sense of self-worth to make a paycheck to escape the prison she called a home? Would she have ended up here, discarding her earthly desires in return for some semblance of finding herself? She'll never know, but she'll learn if it'd have an effect soon.

"You're welcome to stay at my farm from time to time," the offer left her mouth before she could fully process it. Ah. What was this. "I don't have internet or anything aside from cable set up, but you're free to stop by when you need space from your family." The words kept spilling out, desperate for his acceptance, as though she was making up for lost time. Sebastian was nothing like her when she was his age, but she didn't want him to end up like her before Stardew Valley. "I can call Robin if you need and I have a couch you can sleep on for tonight."

She was sounding desperate and watched as his jaw went slack out of bewilderment. A part was hurt, but the entirety recognized how ridiculous the arrangement was. They weren't exactly friends and this was too intimate for acquaintances to present. If she were talking to Maru or Penny, then maybe it'd be reasonable, but this was Sebastian. He and Shane were in unspoken competition of being the most tight lipped and shut in people of the town and she opened her door to the former. It probably creeped him out and now she was probably going to walk those two or so miles to her farm in agony. 

"Maybe not tonight..." he mumbled, getting up and dusting himself off. "...It's..." Sebastian seemed like he was struggling as he was busy processing the sudden plans and possibilities. "...kinda out of nowhere after one smoking session."

Kalani panicked, nervous. "Ye- Yeah, actually, that's gonna be the only smoking session." More actually, she wanted another one as she's gotten jittery by the second. "One time only."

"It helped with your fear of heights."

Oh fuck. She did lie about that. "It's amazing what a high can do, but yeah, no more for me." She shot up and dusted down her pants only to crouch down to grab the bag of leftover drinks. "You can forget about the farm thing, sorry that- that wasn't my place. You have Sam and Abigail to go to so it's weird to go to some stranger's place..." Not even a split second and she was already backing away, body tense, and words slurring together. "Well it's been fun and I understand if you never wanna speak to me again, so--"

"I didn't say no..." he interjected and she stopped, brows furrowed. They both gawked and he averted his gaze, red. If she wasn't having a social panic then she would find that endearing but right now her mind was trying to dissect whether or not she Sebastian thought her a creep. "I haven't said yes either, but, I wouldn't mind if you kept the offer open until... later down the line."

Oh. "Of course..." she found herself at his anxious pace and smiled a bit to forcibly ease her nerves. "Just let me know when it's later down the line."

He stayed quiet and grabbed his helmet. "You're right, it's late so we should head back." Cocking her head to the side, he swiftly donned the helmet, and kicked the side stand up as he threw his weight onto the seat. Kalani smiled wider to herself and returned to her spot on the bike, thinking it easier the second time of her climb, and held tight. The roar of the engine didn't bother her this time and as though gravity had pity on her, the tension in her muscles relaxed and she rested her head against her neighbor's back.  


He revved the engine and pushed the bike to face the way back home. "Thanks." She assumed he mumbled, but didn't say it loud enough for her to verify. In response, she squeezed his waist, and off they went. It was slow and steady and neither told a soul of what transpired hours earlier at that cliff. 

* * *

Though when Kalani returned home, she tore off the cardigan and dropped it in the sink, letting cold water run through it. Her blue eyed gaze scanned her humble abode and was met with indoor plants collected from the various holidays and festivals the town celebrated and piles of books about farming and handwritten recipes. Her home may be messy with a few tools pushed to the side for easy access and strange artifacts she received from Gunter in return for her finds, but there was something distinct about the house. It was bizarre how a once empty and tiny building became something more to the farmer. 

She used to only see this dwelling as a place to pass out after she used up her energy cleaning up the farm. All she needed was a bed and a fireplace to keep her warm, and the corners were stacked with unopened boxes. Any food she ate were leaves and grass found during her foraging and the crops she attended were placed in the shipping bin.

Had it not been for Linus and Mayor Lewis, she would've lived on nothing but grass and water. She didn't care. She just needed something to do and barely minded the barrenness of her supposed home. The mayor talked to Robin and the carpenter made a case about the highlights of expanding one's house. She was sleep deprived and overworked and annoyed so she let Robin do whatever she wanted so long as she wasn't bothered. Looking back, Kalani was embarrassed with how childish she was towards the older woman, thinking that she was above luxuries, but... as she kept making note of her house, she felt safe. 

She felt at home. 

Chestnut yelped. His golden coat already rubbing against her leg before she registered his company. She knelt down and scratched under his chin with a soft smile. 

"Hey Chestnut," she greeted, "I'm home."

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooo i was nervous about contributing to the fandom but i couldn't get this idea out of my head. Originally, i was going to write out kalani's story from the beginning but i wanted to tackle later events and focus on character dynamics. 
> 
> I have a tumblr for her as an ask blog kind of thing, but I'll save the link for a different time aka when work goes easy on me and i can have time to draw things aha. 
> 
> I don't want to keep you all here, but i'd like to say thank you for checking out this piece. It's heavier than i first expected and planned it out to be, and then it kind of became a vent piece. I'll hopefully make the next part in this series lighter and jump around with different heart events because i do adore the sdv cast. They're quite endearing.
> 
> P.S. i never smoked before so im just guessing based on things i've read online in order to emphasize the momentary satisfaction sebs and kalani get from cigarettes. I'm not sure i conveyed it as most pieces only give brief descriptions or just a quick mention. So i guessed and figured it'd be like what i wrote above!


End file.
